I quit…sort of. The title offers a convenient framework to create other blogposts, but I believe more in harm-reduction models. So, when I tell you that I quit the internet, what I mean is that, I’m doing as little internet as possible except for the occasional bump…just to keep me steady.
So. I quit the internet. Sort of. I was inspired by this:
For the next thirty days, I have decided to quit the internet as best I can – obviously minus this blog and advertisement.
Here’s why:
On an average day, I go to work and focus really hard on what I actually have to do to not get fired. When I finish the toils and debasements that are required for me, I have to make myself look busy and since my computer screen faces to a wall, it’s rare that anyone can see what I’m looking at. Our organization also doesn’t monitor the internet activity of it’s employees…thank god. Because I’m on the internet…a lot.
I’d tell you how much, but I’m afraid the blog would get around and they’d fire me. It’s a lot. Like…an obscene amount. And I’m really, really good at my job. But a couple hours into work…I start to wonder – what is everyone doing? And a thrill of anticipation trills through me.
At work, I’m mostly on MyFace, FaceSpace, various obsurd picture blogs about cats, failing, fixing things w/ duct tape and drunken text messages.
Then I go home, and ask my roommates if they saw the article I posted on MyFace.
At home, I’m mostly on MyFace, FaceSpace, various obsurd picture blogs about cats, failing, fixing things w/ duct tape and drunken text messages and one very popular gay cruising site. I stare at the screen with a sort of numb want and odd satiation.
To top all this off, I have one of those absurd internet capable smart phones. So while I shit, I can cruise for a date, see friend’s post pictures of the chicken they roasted or play poker. I have a virtual farm that should be named 'Tara'. It’s gotten that all-consuming.
I am literally on the internet…all the f’ing time. But as my East Coast friends head to bed and one by one, people in the city sign off, I start to get agitated that there aren’t more updates, isn’t more content, more imput – and I feel lonely sort of, I'm sad no one's around to off-handedly entertain me before I fall asleep.
So, I’ve really began to wonder what all this internet time is doing to my habits of connecting w/ other human beings. In truth, sometimes talking to other people alternately annoys me or terrifies the shit out of me. Creating and sustaining active communication doesn’t always end up high on my priority list. That’s one of the reasons MyFace is so comfortable for me. It lets me do two things: spy on people under the guise of ‘keeping in touch’ despite the fact that I haven’t spoken an actual word to them in years, and it allows me to electronically sit in a circle and tweet or sparkle random disconnected facts about myself. I’m never emotionally vulnerable to the reactions of other people, thus I’m protected from having to deal with my fear of confrontation. Convenient, right?
Some months ago, I quit the gay cruising site I had been frequenting for…a long time. And obscenely long time. I had one theory about what this would do to my dating life: I would make an active effort to flirt in public with real people, and instead of wasting all my time being afraid of actually meet-up the perceived psychos I was talking to online. See the psychosis there?
And I was right. I now actively flirt the old fashioned way – by having conversations with live people right in front of my face. I ask them for their numbers so we can ‘have a drink’ or ‘dinner sometime.’ I’m not trying to write ‘Casanova’ on my forehead. I have absolutely no game, but I try. And that’s what’s important.
Benefits of talking to live people as opposed to online:
You can’t leave the house as the younger, skinnier, tanner, taller or less bald, less smelly version of yourself from ten years ago. And I can’t PhotoShop my hair back in.
Other Things I’ve Been Pretty Good at Quitting:
TV
Cigarettes
The Candy Dish on My Desk
Active Hoarding of Shiny Things I Find on the Street
Bacon w/ Every Meal
You’ll notice that it says “Pretty Good at Quitting” I don’t smoke cigarettes, but I still eat a lot of bacon, still occasionally have a mini-twix from the candy bowl and when my neighbor is out of town, I own her OnDemand. The goal is to explore what it means to not use the internet in my life.
Caveats and Addendums: So, the….sort of…part needs to be explained, right?
Obviously the blog is sort of a longer representation of updating on my status. It’s true. It’s cheating. But what I hope to do with the blog is make an active chronicle of what it’s like not to access the internet. Do I go out more? Do I read more? Will I actually do my homework or distract myself with something else? Will I have more friends or reconnect with old ones? Will I obsessively update a blog about not using the internet? Or will I show that I’m so socially awkward that no one wants to hang out with me? In all truth, I could fail miserably and be back on the internet in mere hours. But I don’t want to write you a blog about that details the guy watching porn next to me at the coffee shop. Does that make sense?
I do plan to post to MyFace that the blog is updated – because this is officially the ACME SoapBox, and I can be preachy like that. Ask my friends about quiting smoking. I encourage you to email me commentary.
Email is still allowed. Actually, I’m encouraging it. It’s a direct communication between two people. It’s so much like letter writing that it’s effected the cost of postage worldwide. If you know me and would like to verbally communicate with me – call me! If you don’t have my phone number, email me and see about getting it.
Those are the ground rules for right now. Let the meltdown begin.
antiochlogan@yahoo.com
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