Monday, March 29, 2010

Y'all Gotta Come See This!

So I haven’t posted in a while.

Here’s why: I quit the internet and that was all good. I had all this free time when I was surfing ManSpace or FaceHunt. When that month ended, I decided to do a project on internet dating. I didn’t even get a post into it.

Here’s why: Internet dating is hard work. Making an effort to be witty, charming and Southern is hard when I can’t use my hands or my accent. And people are terrified that you’re an axe murderer. After a few thoroughly edited emails, I would say something like, “Hey, you seem cool. Wanna get a beer?” – in a public drinking establishment in which you can easily scream for help. Something about saying: “Hey, wanna try this out in person.” seemed to really scare people off. So, with newly rediscovered distractions such as http://www.failblog.org/ and http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/, I failed utterly – utterly!

Also, axe murderers.

Reasons I failed to even begin to start National Novel Writing Month:

I need to be clear about something about myself: I suck at follow-through. Epic Suckage Actually.


Here’s why: It’s not because I don’t love you. Or that I was lying when I said, “I’m gonna….drive across the country on a scooter….become a wedding photographer….build and live in a mini-house - http://www.tumbleweedhouses.com/.” I actually aspired to do all of these things. Some of them, I still plan on doing. It’s that…frankly…I have the attention span of http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7HiO9rzU_aw

The likelihood that I will consistently update this blog is…well…tiny…as you can see, but please know that…I think about updating the blog a lot.



So, now, a new blog project, that may or may not fly.



The Litter Kwitter!



http://www.litterkwitter.com/



Do you have a cat? Do you have more than one cat? Do your cats poo?



Ours do. Both of them poo. A lot. And as pet owners/caretakers/roommateofpeoplewhohavepoo’ingcats – we’ve had enough!



So, we’ve decided to embark on what could possibly be an impossible mission – train the cats to use the toilet via the Litter Kwitter.



We scoured the internet for the cheapest version of the Litter Kwitter we could find - $32.00. That way, if we fail, atleast we fail sorta on the cheap.

How it works:
Put contraption of trays on your toilet - making it look suspiciously like the one in my grandma's bathroom.

The multiple trays put together make one full tray.  You fill it with litter and when the cat is acclimated, you take out one of the trays leaving a little hole.  Gradually, you remove more trays, making a bigger and bigger hole until finally - you can take the whole contraption away and viola - no more gassy poo bombs in the middle of your TV watching!

Sounds simple right?  But let's consider what we're dealing with:

Coal

Pros: pretty, soft

Cons: dumb as a boot, gets motion sickness from windy days, loud noises and more than three bites of table food.

Tools: treat-treat and warm laps

Coal is pretty laid back when it comes to learning to do or not to do things. When she does something good – give her a treat, a pat on the head and a gentle coo’ing noise. She’s pretty good to go – as long as you go slow.



Bean

Pros: loves pumpkin (but not much else).

Cons: hates most everyone, only eats the dusty pieces of food, possibly has pica.

Tools: cat-nip, boxes, spoonfuls of pumpkin and turning on the faucet. Also – water pistols

Bean will be the tricky one. If she catches wind that we’re trying to be alpha-kitty and we’re trying to make everyone’s life a little easier – she’ll rebel and possibly decompensate from her uncheerful self, to what she used to be…

What now? We wait. The LitterKwitter is scheduled to be delivered in t-minus – one day.